walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
