So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
