Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Blow job season was short but glorious.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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