if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
