she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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