I got chris browned last night
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
