And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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