apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
