Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
