I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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