I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
