Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
