he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
