Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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