Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
