Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize