I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize