I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
A+ Viking dick
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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