I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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