Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
