it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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