he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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