so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
