you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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