the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's never too late to be topless.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
