is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize