you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
