non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
