We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
