i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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