Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
