Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
you made out with another girl for some wings
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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