Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
