The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
