im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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