Can Purell be used as lube?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
