Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
