And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
