I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
