Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
