While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
