He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize