nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
