I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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