You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
