Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
