I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
