just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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