By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
