wanna go halves on a baby?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
