It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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