the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
