i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
