I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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