I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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