Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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