It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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