i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
