I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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