Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
