the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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