YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
