I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize