So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
