Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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