How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
