you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize