He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
