I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
