Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
