Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
