my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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