Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
