he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
