you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
