I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
