It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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